Monday, 24 August 2015

Writing Sample

Description: This term we have been put into writing groups I am in Troy's writing group we have been writing about this picture. We brain stormed about everything we saw in this picture, we chose a type of writing, and the presective of one of the characters I chose narrative for the type and one of the fish for the character.


Big Idea:
 After I finished my story I went back and added more detail and  My goal is Complex sentences I decied to do Complex sentences as my goal because I am not using it much in my writing. Here is my story!

Johnny's Story
(Stuck in a Fishnado)

Recount Fish's point of view

"Ahhhhhh, where did the shark go, i'm serious where did the shark go, there he is, there he is ahhhhhh swim away, come on granny come on faster faster FASTER!!!!! The shark is right there SWIM you idiotic fish! Tootoot toot watch out the shark is right there TOOTOOT MOVE YOU LAZY BUM. Okay now that the shark is at least 20 meters away I can introduce myself i'm Johnny, and this is my family right now were in a crazy school because there is a shark chasing us, I am in charge of the school, which can has it good times and it's bad times, and here we go again i'll see you well as soon as i'm not swimming for my life....   bye".

"Right I'm back so now we can talk so my name is Johnny, I live in the Pacific Ocean, and I'm in charge of the school. I have a lovely wife 999 kids and 300 grandchildren, okay I don't have a normal family but I love them all, kinda".

"Okay everybody swim for your life, but keep protecting the younger ones and the pregnant ladies, boys I'm talking to you! OH Tootoot the shark watch out. (Warning the following words may be sad)  Tootoot noooooo that is the end of Tootoot and granny. The Sharks just won't leave us alone I mean two fish just died, and they were the most beautiful and important fish in the Ocean", Jonny their dead now you don't have to pretend that their awesome", " that's great I hated those fish, thank god their dead".

Then I saw her, the love of my life Sky she was so beautiful no no no no Sky watch out, I dived in front of her and the shark caught me I swam away but he had my tail, my tail came free it teared of I sank to the bottom Sky was gone I was dying I felt empty dead and then it happened "my blood ran cold my scales came off I died".                                                                                                            


Feedback/Feedforward: Wow Tabitha you did a really good job but a think you could improve on adding more ideas to the original idea
- Sophie

My goal is complex sentences, next time I could work on adding more ideas to the original idea.

1 comment:

  1. Tabitha, I love the personal voice you use in your writing as it is really entertaining and easy to read. Next time think about adding a bit more detail to your writing as it felt a bit short-changed and was left wanting more at the end. Also remember to embed your story rather than copying and pasting please.