“Bang, Crash, Ahhhhhhhh school camp where is my curling iron and it’s raining and my car is in the shop my hair will be ruined!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Is everything ready Nic” Screamed Elly “Calm down the buses just got here and kids are only just arriving everything is fine” said Nic “ FINE FINE SCHOOL CAMP IS TODAY!” Shouted Elly, Nic slowly strolled backwards he was terrified of Elly when she was in stress mode and he decided to stay well clear of Elly when she was going crazy.
Meanwhile Troy is having a cup of tea in the staff room completely unaware of what just happened he had utterly and completely forgot about school camp suddenly Elly crashed his little relaxation party he tried to leave but Elly stoped him he is trapped in the same room as this crazy stress ball he was desperately thinking for idea’s to get out, luckily for Troy one of the camp teacher’s walked in saving Troy from the nightmare of facing up to Elly Leanne then stated “no need to hurry you but the kids are eager to get on the bus and Nic would like some assistance so if we could get going soon that would be absolutely chirpy” “ Come on then Elly let’s not keep the kids waiting” said Troy “I’ll be there in 5” said Elly “my hair has gone frizzy again ohhhh it can be such a handful sometime’s” Troy's face turned red with rage, “Elly” said Troy through gritted teeth, “ I thought you came to get me and now you tell me you will be there IN 5! “Elly come in my car” Leanne interrupted “ I have hair dryers and straighteners in my car you can use the plug in there” Troy calms down a bit.
“Finally we are on the bus and settled down” Troy, Elly and Nic all breathed heavily as they all thought the same thing.
“Okay I know you're buzzing with excitement but you just need to listen for two minutes okay, so the boys are going to do discover El Rancho while the girls set up their cabins”
I flung my bag onto the top bunk and just as I was knocking down my mattress I fell straight through my bed, I picked myself up but I was bleeding I hobbled over to the closest camp parent which was Elly I told her the story then she ran around looking for the first aid kit it took her an hour just to find me a band aid.
Elly is going frantic she has a million things to do and only two minutes to do it in, and Troy and Nic have learnt their lesson so they are staying well clear of her.
Camp is over Elly, Nic and Troy look like they just fought a blizzard and they were exhausted.
So there you have it being a camp parent is not easy and it is utterly exhausting.
Feedback\Feedforward: i think you did a great job and you story really flows well but next time you could get your past and future tense all the same.
- Bella M
I think I have done well but next time I could try adding more to the story and make it end with something you really wouldn't expect like (they all get trapped on the bus ride home and live the rest of their worthless lives on a school bus and they only last 2 weeks in the bus before they run out food and water) or something like that but other wise I think it is one of my best piece's of writing.